It’s time we let you in on a little secret. Well, it’s not really a secret, as it’s more than obvious to college admissions officers across the country: high school seniors are decidedly bad at writing college essays. Even the students who think they’ve struck gold tend to miss their mark. It’s an epidemic affecting America’s youth, but the international applicants are no exception. Everywhere we turn, we at Ivy Coach encounter students who don’t know the first thing about penning competitive college admissions essays. So, we thought we would share some sample passages representing students’ misguided paths. We will highlight these passages’ many wrong turns to help our readers avoid errors.

Sample Bad College Essays — Where Do They Go Wrong?

Winning the race was a really big accomplishment for me. It made me really proud to stand on the podium and wave to the crowd, surrounded by so many people I love. I’ll never forget that moment. I’ll never forget that win. It taught me so many valuable life lessons about never giving up and about what it takes to succeed. In this way, sports symbolize life.

Where do we even begin? This student’s first mistake was choosing a “third-rail” essay topic that will cause admissions officers to glaze over immediately. Sports are a clichéd topic as ever! Unlike what many students and families believe, sports essays don’t demonstrate your commitment to teamwork, dedication, or resilience. They don’t say what kind of student you will be on your future campus. Worst of all, they rob you of the opportunity to expand upon your singular hook!

Your singular hook is a roadmap for admissions officers demonstrating how you will engage with the resources and opportunities of your future campus by continuing to pursue your specific passion, cause, or discipline. Competing in club sports are not a good example of engaging with your future campus, yet your sports-centered essay seems to imply this is what you plan to do once on campus (and even if you’re a recruited athlete, you should avoid writing about sports)!

Moreover, this essay commits another cardinal sin: telling rather than showing. “Sports symbolize life.” How? Tell us more! What does it take to succeed? How have you refused to give up on your life? Instead of answering these questions with compelling anecdotes that tie back to a singular hook, this student has simply emphasized the significance of their big race.

Let’s take a look at another misguided example passage:

Being first chair violin can, at times, be very stressful. If I mess up a note, the whole orchestra can follow my lead. I sit right by the conductor. I am who the audience is looking at. There is so much pressure. And yet I love it. Playing the violin makes me feel alive.

Music is yet another third-rail topic that spells trouble for college applicants. This student has also made the mistake of bragging about their first-chair status while trying to appear humble about the pressures of the role. Admissions officers hate a bragger, even one who tries to conceal their boasts. It’s a bad look that makes you seem predictable, unlikable, and certainly not competitive!

How Ivy Coach Helps Students Steer Clear of Danger and Write Highly Competitive Essays

If you looked at these sample passages and scratched your head at why we found them so lacking, there’s no need to despair. College essays require a delicate balance of compelling prose, colloquial language, and a heartfelt message. They aren’t easy to figure out by yourself!

That’s where Ivy Coach comes in. Our team of former elite college admissions officers will work with you or your child to craft essays that avoid pitfalls while optimizing the odds of admission to a highly selective school. Fill out our complimentary consultation form and we’ll be in touch.