We’ve been in business at Ivy Coach for over twenty years and during these years, we’ve been fairly reluctant to offer a guarantee. And for good reason. We’re putting in countless hours to help students craft powerful college applications that sway admissions officers at highly selective colleges to want to go to bat for them. But what if a student checks a box that we explicitly state he shouldn’t check or includes a trite admissions essay about sports that we haven’t worked on with him, that we haven’t given him notes on (we’d never give the go-ahead to a student to write a college essay about sports in the first place!). We don’t submit applications for students. Students (or their parents) click the submit button themselves. So if they changed things that we know to be unwise, we can’t be responsible. Our students and parents rarely do this but, as a business, it’s always a possibility we consider. And it’s part of the reason we’ve been fairly reluctant to offer a guarantee. This is in spite of the fact that our students tend, overwhelmingly, to gain admission to their dream schools. If you’re wondering if we’ll work with a ‘C’ student with 1750 SATs and no significant extracurriculars who yearns to go to Harvard, we most certainly will not.
When news leaked that Steven Ma, a former hedge fund manager with no credible experience in the highly selective college admissions process, was charging about one million dollars to help students gain admission to the colleges of their dreams, we thought it odd that folks would choose a former hedge fund manager as their private college counselor. Perhaps they hadn’t perused our website and read our daily blogs. Perhaps they hadn’t read how we’re cited as the experts on highly selective college admissions in so many major news publications. Just within the last week, Ivy Coach was discussed on CNBC, America’s top business channel. We were featured as experts in the newspapers of Yale University (twice) and the University of Pennsylvania (twice) as well as in “USA Today.”
Unlike the businesses of former hedge fund managers and of mothers who helped their own kids get into college, Ivy Coach’s business is quite reputable in the field of private college counseling. We thus hereby offer a guarantee of admission to your child’s top college choice if, upon our approval, you sign up for this $1,000,000 package. We obviously won’t work with just anyone and Ivy Coach must approve every component of the application for students signing up for this package — including the seemingly smallest of details. Because every detail matters! We also have to believe that your son or daughter has a chance of admission to their dream school if we’re taking on the case, a chance that we can drastically improve as we’ve done so many times before. If your child doesn’t get in, this one million dollars will be refunded to you in full. This refund applies only to this million dollar guarantee package.
If interested in this package, email email@example.com to get started. We look forward to hearing from you.
Oh, and for those of you who are rolling your eyes at our one million dollar fee, that’s ok. We understand that it’s not for everyone. For those who think you can just donate a million dollars to get into a top college, those folks are wrong. That figure is actually much higher and, still, there are no guarantees. Also, each million dollars helps us work on a pro bono basis with, say, a young man without a home who, with Ivy Coach’s help, juggled his way into Harvard or a student given the boot from West Point under the now defunct “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell Policy” who we helped get into Stanford despite subpar grades. Call us Robin Hood, we’ll own it.